By Brian Hennon
Horrible bosses are everywhere.
They’re in movies and on television.
They’re in our offices and conference rooms.
They attend our quarterly business meetings and hold our one-to-ones.
There are no shortages of bad examples.
I once sat through a meeting where the boss spent 15 minutes describing herself as an apex predator from the plains of Africa. The Office’s Michael Scott had come to life, complete with the utter lack of humility and self-awareness.
In another life and career, a boss attempted to save his job by sacrificing the truth…and me.
Another boss berated me in front of co-workers and then apologized in private.
Yet another avoided direct confrontation in favor of comfort and destroyed what was once a promising career.
I’m certain those reading this could add countless stories about horrible bosses, but before we move on, some self-reflection and confession are in order.
I’ve also been THAT boss.
I’ve said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing, made the wrong decision, avoided the right decision, taken too much credit, not given enough credit, been too aggressive, too passive-aggressive, narcissistic, abusive, unfair, unresponsive, or simply unteachable.
Oh, and if you’re reading this and don’t think any of those apply to you, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they do.
Refusing to admit that is Exhibit A.
Becoming a good boss is a bit like a support group. The first step is admitting we have a problem.
How do we avoid it though? How can we avoid being THAT boss?
Here are just a few lessons I’ve learned over the years.
Listen More, Speak Less
You’ve heard it said that “God gave you two ears and one mouth…use them in that proportion”
Leaders who speak before listening eventually end up without an audience.
Certainly a large part of leadership involves coaching and teaching, but earning the right to be heard is a skill all leaders should work to perfect.
How do you earn that right?
By listening before responding.
A lot of truth is packed into the saying, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt”. Even the most average leaders are thought to be wise if they pause, listen, and then speak.
Leaders are particularly prone to falling in love with their own voice and the more they do, the less they are respected and the less others listen...and follow.
Pause.
Listen.
Respond when necessary.
Praise More, Self-Indulge Less
Have you ever met that leader who always finds a way to make every employee event and meeting about themselves?
At the company picnic, you’re treated with a speech about company growth and how it all started the day she showed up.
At the planning meeting, you’re privileged to hear all about the keen, strategic mind of the leader and how all his decisions have been nothing short of spectacular.
Look, you just might be a genius and the company may have grown under your leadership, but standing in front of people who bust their hump for smaller paychecks, extolling your own virtues, makes you look small, petty and self-important. It doesn’t make you look successful or powerful.
When you get the chance to speak to those under your leadership. Talk about them. Share their success stories. Hold them up as examples.
Making someone else see their importance doesn’t diminish yours. On the contrary, it enhances your stature.
Show Your Character, Don’t Talk About Your Character
Every person on the planet is insecure about something. How can you tell what that is?
It’s usually the one thing they talk about the most.
If they’re insecure about honesty, they’ll talk about how honest they are. They’ll feel the need to tell you as often as they can how they can be trusted.
If they lack confidence, they’ll spend a great amount of time telling you how bold they are.
If they doubt their intelligence, they’ll mention their education and degrees. Frequently.
Leaders who talk about and consistently highlight specific character traits are usually compensating for some area they feel they fall short.
Honest leaders don’t need to tell you how honest they are.
Confident leaders don’t need to tell you how confident they are.
Smart leaders don’t need to tell you how smart they are.
Effective leaders recognize their insecurities and they are open to feedback.
Ask your people for, and be open to that feedback and create a safe space for them to provide that.
In over 50 years, I’ve been blessed with two leaders who genuinely asked for, and listened to, feedback. Not only did these leaders listen, they also took that feedback to heart and as a result, my respect didn’t diminish, it grew.
As a side note, I don’t need to tell you who they are. They know even though they would never say so.
Respond More, Make Excuses Less
Leaders get hundreds of emails and phone calls each day, but the most trusted and respected leaders I’ve met, are the ones who respond. They may not respond in great detail, but they do acknowledge.
When I was an entry-level employee, I once sent an email to the CEO of the company, fully expecting not to get a reply. Not only did I get a reply, we had an email conversation. That spoke volumes about the value this CEO placed in every employee.
A good leader will rarely allow an email or phone call to go without a response. Sometimes the response is brief, but there will be a response.
Leaders need to remember that no response IS a response and one that speaks loudly.
If we want those we lead to feel seen and heard, then we have to see them and hear them.
One of the most tired, worn-out excuses is the “I’m busy” excuse.
Every employee is busy no matter what position they hold or the size of their paycheck.
But, we make time for what we value and if a leader truly values their employees, they will respond.
Seek To Know, Not Be Known.
I once heard the story of an attending emergency room physician who had a young medical student shadowing him. A gunshot victim came into the ER, bleeding profusely. Once they got the patient stabilized and moved to surgery, a woman came into the room to clean up the blood and get everything ready for the next patient.
As the physician and med student were washing their hands, the physician said, “tell me, what was the name of the lady who came in to clean the room?”
The med student shrugged his shoulders and said he didn’t know.
The attending physician said, “your assignment for the next week is to remember her name. Not only that, but I want you to find out details about her. What is her favorite food? Favorite color? Does she have a family? Where was she born?"
The doctor didn’t stop there.
“When you’re done with that, I want you to get to know every med tech, orderly, social worker, and security guard and I'm going to quiz you on each one.”
The med student looked confused and a little frustrated, so the doctor said, “the only way you can be good at your job is because each of those people are good at theirs. They make you successful, so you need to know who they are.”
Good leaders know the people they lead. They know what motivates them and even what frustrates them.
Lastly, Good Leaders Never Stop Becoming Good Leaders
The Protestant reformer, Martin Luther once said,
“This life therefore is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness, not health, but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it, the process is not yet finished, but it is going on, this is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified.”
Good leadership isn’t about being a good leader, but it is about becoming one. Continually.
Keep learning.
Keep growing.
Keep pausing.
Keep listening.
Keep knowing.